I just had an argument with TC. Maybe that's why I'm having the impulse to blog and release some steam. He's building a Rebreather(RB) that allows one to breathe recycled air underwater. Now I'm blessedly ignorant about RBs but I do know enough that there are many fatalities that occur with RB builders and users.
He has built a prototype RB and when he posted pics in a forum, he was flamed for being overenthusiastic and ignorant and naive by the experienced RB guys. He was pretty mad about that. I read the posts and agreed that perhaps he was overenthu and naive. Ignorant, no. I believe he did his homework. When he asked why? I told him simply because he hadn't been so close to the edge of death unlike the fellows of the forum and that's why he took those comments lightly. Comments like (How much is your life worth boy?)
Then, I suppose he got a bit pissed that his gd friend (ME) did not stand by his side and accuse him of being naive as well and said. "How do you know I've nv been close to the edge?" Innocent comment right? I took it as a written backhand. I took it as "Don't underestimate me. I have been." That got me agitated.WHAT DOES HE KNOW? My written retort was as follows.
"BUT, have you been THAT close to the edge? Where 1 minute's difference, 1 extra moment, 1 extra knot of wind, 1 extra or less knot of speed or less than 50 feet of separation is the DAMN difference between you being stone dead and staying alive?! IF you have then you can criticize those buggers and me all you want and I won't say a thing."
I've written about that experience in a objective way in Jan 2005. How it happened and that's it. I've never talked about the innate feelings except with fellow aviators cause only they know what I'm talking about. I've had more of those experiences. The incidents usually happen and end within seconds or maybe slightly longer.
I don't think about it when I'm still flying because I'm too preoccupied with flying the airplane and getting down in one piece safely.
I grin a little to myself moments after the incident happens or maybe curse a blue streak and think that I'm blessed and I've dodged Fate's bullet.
I then think I'm one lucky bastard and start laughing about it after landing, say a little prayer of thanks and then try to talk about it to my buddies or fellow aviators. They pat me on the back, say "well done!" or "lucky boy" and they buy me drinks and then everyone laughs about it.
Its ONLY LATER. Maybe a few days or weeks or months later. I started thinking deeply about it, reflecting and replaying the entire sequence in the head. From the moment the insructor says "OK Colin you have control" and he bends down adjusting some instruments. Then, suddely, I happen to look to the right and a Piper Warrior grotesquely and maybe even magically appears in front of my eyes. So frigging close I can see the pilot. So close I can tell he's male. So close I can see him looking straight ahead and I know then and there he never saw me. Then just as suddenly he's gone. I shout "Jesus! Darshan! Did you see that?!" and receive a grunt as the instructor looks behind and sees the other plane going in the opposite direction behind. Darshan was calm or at least he appeared to be. That helped me NOT to become unglued. Then the lesson continues as usual.
Then, I ONCE AGAIN think that I'm one lucky sod. But then again, being Catholic, I KNOW it's not a flukey coincidence that I am alive. I know there was an Angel on my shoulder. That the committee assigned by the Almighty to keep my sorry ass out of trouble was working OT. Then I start wondering why and what was it I did right that I may preserve this relationship.
Next, I realise that had I not been looking in that direction at that exact time. I'd never have saw him as well since he was climbing from below. I would never have known I was that close to the edge. It was as if God wanted to let me know and make me realise my mortality up there.
Then, I start thinking that what if IT had happened. Two airplanes clipping each other's wings at about 200 knots closure speed. (that's more than 350 KPH) That Piper warrior would have clipped my right wing with his right wing. I'd lose the ailerons on the right side and both airplanes would roll uncontrollably to the right.
Both our airplanes would have gone into a death spiral and I would have hit the ground mumbling "Hail Marys" or maybe I'd be fighting the airplane all the way till it impacts thinking I had a chance and not accepting I'm dead.
Or maybe even worse, both airplanes collided head on. All 3 of us would have been instantly dead and we wouldn't even know it. My instructor looking down and adjusting instruments wouldn't have even known why he was strumming harps. Me having flown only 6 hours wouldn't have seen that bugger coming from underneath and I too would be wondering why the hell I'm dead. At that speed. We'd be instantly dead.
And next, I realise that it was that close. A variable of factors turned out favourably that ends up in our survival. Had there been 1 more knot of wind blowing from the right, Had there been a 1 to 2 degree angle of deviation if the level of the wings, had I been faster for a 1 or 2 knots and he slower 1 or 2 knots, had there been a slight postioning error of my hands on the control column and had there been a slight deflection in any of the ailerons or rudders on each of our part. Things might have been different.
FINALLY, the truth HITS like a punch in the gut. There but for the Grace of God I'm alive. Nothing more. Not because of skill, not because there are people I love and people that love me out there and their love kept me alive like in novels because that's bullshit. Then the bile comes up. We've seen it in movies where people puke after harrowing experiences. Its true. Except I didn't actually vomit alot. Maybe just a spittle but the bile came up.
I still think its amazing that I've had no scratches or scars to show. But that's the thing about flying, you either die or you stay alive and kicking. Unless you crash really nicely and you just get a few scratches or broken bones. But with regards to the incident. Its a Dead-or-Alive situation.
Sidetracking a bit, I wonder what was on my instructor's mind when he knew of the incident. He must be cussing out my stupidity and ignorance at not seeing the other aircraft while he trusted the plane to me. If we were spiralling to the ground I can just envision him taking the crash axe and bashing my skull open before we impact. And he'd be justified doing that and yelling
"YOU faaarrrkkeeeerrrr! I TRUST YOU WITH MY PLANE! AND YOU GET ME KILLED! Faaaarrrrrrkkk!"
Somehow hearing him say 'faaarrrkkk' in a low keyed drawn out tone always brings laughter and tears to my eyes.
My point? TC if you read this buddy. I don't want to see you as a damn statistic. I know how it feels to be that close being a headline "Dumbass student pilots collides airplanes. Innocent Instructor dies. No survivors."
Best listen to those fellows and be really careful. Take a class. Don't get complacent. Don't let enthusiasm override judgement. At least in the air if you get killed. You die fast. Airplanes kill you quick and clean. Underwater and using a RB, if something goes wrong, you die slow and horribly from oxygen poisoning.
But please don't think that flying or diving is v unsafe. Its as safe as it can be.
I love flying. Its my one true passion and up to this point in life, my one true love. Everything in life that's worth doing has risks.
Even walking on the road may be riskier than flying or diving. So if its so safe, why did that incident happen?
Pilot error. We're all human. We all make mistakes. The trick is to not make the mistake that kills you. Unfortunately, this one innocent mistake nearly did. Fortunately, this tip of the arrow did not strike home. (I got this from Ernest K Gann's book Fate is the Hunter.)
Pilot error on the part of that other airplane. His stupidity and complacency nearly costs us all our lives. HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN LOOKING OUT FOR AIRPLANES WHILE CLIMBING instead of sitting down there thinking he's invincible and untouchable while flying (Ok this is an exaggeration maybe but its exactly what's on my mind now.) I heard from another fellow pilot that the guy was chopped and booted out for that mistake after my instructor filed a report. But I feel sorry for the guy. It probably was an innocent mistake and he cant fly because of that now. He has my utmost sympathy. But as my instructor said. An innocent mistake can still kill. and he had the bad luck to make that mistake. I have made other innocent mistakes like forgetting to lookout before turning later in my training but I was lucky enough to get away without any incident except maybe a tongue lashing. Now I'm that much more careful after thinking this through.
This brings to mind a statement made from what I read somewhere in a book.
"In spite of everything I done wrong, I survived. I was shot with luck. All you sinners take note that when the chips are down clean living and prayers pays off."
----Lt. Jake Grafton, USN
"I'd rather be lucky than good" --- Capt. Clarence "Flap" Le Beau, USMC
