But what I could never tell of was the beauty and exaltation of flying itself. Above the haze layer with the sun behind you or sinking ahead, alone in an open cockpit, there is nothing and everything to see. The upper surface of the haze stretches on like an endless desert, featureless and flat, and empty to the horizon. It seems your world alone. Threading one's way through the great piles of summer cumulus that hang over the plains, the patches of ground that show far far below are for earthbound folk, and the cloud shapes are sculptured just for you. The flash of rain, the shining rainbow riding completely around the plane, the lift over mountain ridges, the steady, pure air at dawn take-offs. . . . It was so alive and rich a life that any other conceivable choice seemed dull, prosaic, and humdrum.

— Dean Smith

babbling

Every flight I've been doing now is the same thing. Go to the Area for general handling, circuits. Yet every flight is something new. Sounds contradictory. But I guess that's how I feel.

Flown with ZC a couple times and this thursday I've got another flight with Gil Tay from SYFC. Boy...that guy has everything I want man. Perfect eyesight. Flown in an F-16. Going to some aviation college in America.

They say Christians are born to carry a cross. Cross meaning burdens. I think I'm already carrying my share. Lost my dream to become a fighter pilot and that is hurting enough. Not to mention other things. I guess I ought to be grateful for what I have though. But the thing is that I want to live a life that's worth living. So many people are living a life of drudgery and routine. Is that worth living? I'd like an adventure...flying is one. Being an airline pilot is one that can get me the satisfaction of responsibility as well. I hope I can be one. God Willing. I'm giving my best shot to improve my eyesight. At least I am doing something instead of just hoping for rules and policies to change. Better to be doing something.

Navigation course commencing soon. I know I can handle it. Hope I make the right decisions. Hope I can handle anything that comes at me. Hope I don't screw up. Hope God is with me. Hope God is with me if I fall. Hope the plane is well maintained. Hope I can handle the emergencies. Hope I don't do anything stupid and get myself killed.

Nav trip with another guy flying on friday. Me as pax. Can I trust that guy? Yeah I can. But I won't feel as safe as when I am the one flying. There's a saying. "It worth it. The final smashup is worth it." Well, let's hope there isn't but if there is to be a final smashup. I rather be the one who did it instead of someone flying me into the smashup.

Holy cow what the hell am I talking about. This is getting morbid. Hell no more such thinking man. Gotta start being positive.